


Try To Fight This Feeling (But I Can't)

by SeventhStrife



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Derogatory Language, Dorks in Love, F/M, Jealousy, Josh Is Actually A Caveman, Josh Lives, Post-Blackwood, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 18:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10599981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeventhStrife/pseuds/SeventhStrife
Summary: It was Mike’s idea to throw a party.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a one-shot from like, two years ago? I posted it on tumblr, but then I had to delete my account. Figured, why not share the least angsty Until Dawn story I have in my drafts?

It was Mike’s idea to throw a party. Blackwood had left more than it’s fair share of scars and everyone had been content to take it slow, but Mike had other plans.

“I’m not acting like any of us are over it,” Mike had told them. They’d all crowded into Jessica’s bedroom, on the bed, and on the floor, while Mike had paced between them, his agitation clear. “But I’m tired of always being stressed out and thinking some monsters going snatch me up and eat me or some shit.”

Mike had made hard eye contact with each and every one of them, uncaring that some looked away in discomforted guilt or went distant with memories that never truly faded.

“I think we all need this. I mean, what the point of surviving all that shit if we don’t _live?”_

None of them could argue; Mike was voted class president for a reason.

Still, because it was her nature, Sam worried.

“Is this a good idea?” Sam turned away from the mirror on the back of her closet door, letting her arms fall to her sides and the dresses in them brush the carpet. On her bed, Josh looked up from his phone, absently bobbing his head to the music that played through the one earbud on his right side.

“Is _what_ a good idea?”

“This,” Sam gestured to her clothes, “The party. It just...feels kind of weird. Acting like everything’s normal.”

Josh’s eyes met hers and he frowned in thought.

“I think so. Mike’s right, we all need to just chill once in awhile. When was the last time you got wasted?”

Sam smiled slightly. “I don’t _get_ wasted.” Josh rolled his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” Josh looked away, out the far window, his eyes sad. “I think we could all use the break from our thoughts.”

“Hey,” Sam called softly, walking towards him. She tossed her clothes at the foot of the bed and sat beside him, folding a leg underneath her.

Josh locked eyes with her when she stroked her fingers lightly across his cheek and pressed her hand there. He sighed and smiled just a bit, then his hand came over hers to hold as he turned his head and pressed a kiss to her palm.

“I’m fine,” he reassured her, voice low and tender, and Sam felt her cheeks warm.

“Good,” she replied. She leaned up and planted a kiss on Josh’s forehead before straightening. “Then you can help me figure out what I should wear tonight.”

 _“Ugh,”_ Josh flopped onto his back, bouncing slightly on the mattress. “Sam, you’ll look hot no matter what you put on.”

“That’s helpful.”

“You have any leather catsuits?”

Startled laughter nearly made Sam drop the shirt she was holding against herself and modeling in front of the mirror.

“Fresh out, sorry.”

“Damn.” He rose and stood beside her, making a show of rifling through her clothes. “How about a nurses outfit?”

“Oh my God,” Sam shook her head, biting her lip to hide her grin. “You’re useless.”

Josh scratched his chin contemplatively, still looking through her closet.

“Do you have anything that’s just clear? What about your yoga pants and some nipple tassels?”

 _“Josh!”_ Sam, blushing furiously, dropped what she had and clapped both her palms against Josh’s mouth. Her arms shook from the force of his muffled laughter and she laughed with him despite herself.

Josh’s arms suddenly went around her and lifted her and even as she gasped his lips were on hers, his chest pressed tight against her, still rumbling with laughter.

Melting into the kiss, Sam’s arms went around his shoulders, their matching smiles simply resting together for a moment before it morphed into an actual kiss, her hand sliding into the hair at his nape and his arms coming around her waist.

When they broke apart, Sam nudged her nose against his, rueful.

“You’re awful,” she told him fondly. Josh chuckled.

“The worst.”

He leaned down for another kiss, but Sam’s phone suddenly started ringing. Josh groaned as Sam pushed herself out of his hold and swiped her phone from her dresser.

“Shh!” Sam waved insistently at Josh as she hit the answer button. “Hello?”

_“Sam?”_

“Ashley, hey!” Sam glanced at Josh and he mimed hanging up the phone. Sam ignored him and turned her back slightly so she wouldn’t be distracted. Out of the corner of her eyes, she watched him shake his head in defeat, then resume his sprawled-out lounge on her bed. “What’s up?”

_“You excited for the party?”_

“Totally,” Sam said, half-faking her enthusiasm. “What about you?”

_“Definitely! And...nervous too.”_

“Nervous? Why?”

_“This is my first time going to a party with my boyfriend!"_

Sam laughed. “It’s going to be fine, Ashley. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure Chris is just as nervous.”

Ashley giggled, her voice crackling slightly over the line. _“You’re probably right. Still, I need help figuring out what to wear so I picked up Jessica and we’re on our way to your place.”_

Heart stopping shock turning her blood to ice, Sam spun to face Josh, eyes wide.

“Oh, that’s great that you’re _on your way here_ ,” she stressed.

“Shit!” Josh jumped off his perch on her bed and snatched up his phone.

_“Is this a bad time? You sound kinda weird...”_

“No, no, it’s fine!” Sam watched as Josh grabbed his jacket from over her desk chair and fished out his keys. He ran over to her, wrapped an arm around her waist, and planted a firm, quick kiss on her lips.

“See you later,” he whispered, and Sam nodded.

“Bye.”

_“Are you hanging up?”_

“No! Sorry, I was talking to myself. I’m trying to decide what to wear too.”

_“Oh, perfect! What? Oh, Jess wanted to know if you have a hair curler?”_

Josh grinned, waved, and ran out. Sam waited until she heard her door slam shut before she breathed out a sigh of relief.

_“Sam?”_

“Huh? Oh, right, yes, yes, I have one.”

There wasn’t a day that went by that Sam didn’t feel a twinge of guilt from hiding their relationship from their friends. It wasn’t fear of their reaction that kept them from it either; if anything, everyone would probably want to do something embarrassing, like through a party in their honor or start planning their wedding.

No, the problem was...Sam and Josh themselves. Their relationship was barely two months in and they both had their own stuff to work through. Blackwood had changed so many things and they both needed the time and space to work through everything and make sure they could make it. If they could, great, they would tell the others. If not, well, at least with no one else knowing the break up wouldn’t be that awkward and they wouldn’t have to juggle friends like they’d divorced and had to figure out who got the kids on the weekends.

Unfortunately, one consequence of keeping it a secret was that these sudden mad dashes were pretty common. At least this time they’d both been dressed. And no one had to go out a window.

Feeling her face heat from the memories, Sam slapped her cheeks and tried to focus on Ashley’s voice. She had a party to go to and a secret boyfriend to dress up for.

 

⚯

 

“Wow,” Sam said as they pulled into Mike’s driveway. Any idea that this would be a small party was definitely tossed out the window.

Mike’s place, a modern two-story affair, was packed with cars. People were spilling out from the inside onto the steps and lawn. The house shone from different color strobe lights. Sam could practically feel the car vibrate from the intensity of the music.

“Mike doesn’t play around,” Ashley commented, an impressed whistle leaving her as she parked the car on the fringes of the grounds. “Who even _are_ all these people?”

In the backseat, Jessica sounded wry. “You know Mike. Always making friends.”

“And his parents are cool with this?”

“Pretty much. They’re out of town and when Mike asked them about it, they were so relieved he wanted to socialize that they paid for the whole thing. I don’t think they realized how big it was going to be but,” from the rearview mirror, Sam could see Jessica shrug. “That’s their problem.”

“Wow,” Ashley echoed. “Well...lucky us, I guess, huh?”

Sam shook her head. “Lucky us.”

The three of them paused, exchanged glances, then grinned.

“Let’s go!”

Just getting to the front door took five minutes. Almost everyone they passed had to introduce themselves, remarking on how they’d never seen them on campus and they’d have to catch up sometime. The third time this happened, the girls learned to just nod their heads and go along, realizing that trying to explain that the _didn’t_ go to the same college just confused them or went over their drunk heads.

When they finally hit the steps leading into the house, Mike was there to meet them, arms outstretched, a bottle of...something in his hand.

“Ladies!” he boomed, looking like a king surveying his empire. Jessica broke from them to embrace him, and he caught her and spun, to her giggling delight.

“Sam, Ash, so glad you could make it!” Mike turned to his side, dragging Jessica with him so that he created an opening for them. “Everyone else is already here.”

As they passed Mike he called out, “Booze is in the kitchen!”

Once inside, Sam was assaulted by booming music, the strong scent of alcohol and weed, and _heat_. The sheer amount of people inside was ridiculous and incredulous laughter bubbled from Sam’s throat.

“Oh my God,” she practically shouted at Ashley just so she would be heard. Ashley was grinning, looking just as bewildered. She leaned close to Sam’s ear.

“Kitchen! I’m definitely going to need alcohol to deal with this!”

Weaving through dancers and those who were just stumbling around, already wasted, Ashley and Sam made their perilous way towards the back of the house, laughing and holding hands so they wouldn’t get separated. Sam had to admit, she was impressed. She doubted even half of these people actually _knew_ Mike, but here they were, partying like the world was ending tomorrow.

They got to the kitchen relatively unscathed, only hit on twice on their way (easily deflected by Ashley since she had a boyfriend, less so for Sam). At one point, they spotted Emily and Matt, but thought better of going over to say hi when they saw how pissed they both looked; Sam didn’t understand how they were still together, but something about the relationship obviously worked for them.

Sam was grateful to push open the swinging door and see a much less crowded kitchen and air that definitely easier to breathe in.

And an even more welcome sight than the long kitchen table covered in all varieties of drinks? Josh, leaning against the far wall with Chris, the two of them in the midst of elbowing the other and smirking.

“Chris!” Ashley called as they made their way over and the two looked up.

Chris took in Ashley, in her cute blue dress, and blushed.

“Hey, Ash,” he greeted and straightened to hug her.

Sam, however, was much more interested in Josh. She had to hide her amusement when she saw how his eyes widened when he took her in. It made her want to do a little spin just because of how adorable he looked when his mouth popped open like that.

She had felt a little self-conscious when she’d gotten ready with the girls, but they’d assured her she’d looked hot in her faux-leather mini skirt and white blouse, unbuttoned just far enough to show a tantalizing peek of her cleavage. She’d even let her hair down, flipped to one side and over her shoulder, which she knew Josh loved.

She stopped half a foot away from him and smiled coyly.

“Hi, Josh.”

Josh’s eye’s snapped up from her legs to her face, and she could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“H-Hey Sam,” he answered before clearing his throat. Sam grinned.

“What’s up, bro?” Sam asked Chris, punching him lightly on the shoulder. He chuckled.

“Just in awe of this party,” he said, gesturing around them. “Mike really wants to have a good time.”

“With that much alcohol,” Sam remarked, pointing to the table, “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

“Speaking of alcohol, you ladies are looking disturbingly sober.” Chris released Ashley’s hand. “I’ll get you guys something.”

“Oh, no,” Ashley said, taking his hand back and leading the way, “The last time you picked out my drink I had the worst hangover in history; _I’ll_ get them. You can help,” she added graciously.

Sam was still turned around watching them leave, so she only knew Josh had moved when she felt him grasp her wrist. Curious, she made to face him, when suddenly she was jerked and quickly pulled out and into the nearest hallway.

She stumbled, then found herself pressed against the wall, barely able to make Josh out in the darkness.

“Josh, what--!”

Josh cut her off, urgently pressing his lips against hers. His hands were roaming her back, caressing, and he didn’t hold back at all, his tongue tracing the seam of her lips for a few seconds before plunging into the hot cavern of her mouth.

Sam whimpered but surrendered completely, twisting her fingers into his thick, curly hair and turning her head slightly for a better angle.

Josh spent a long time kissing her breathless and when he finally released her, she had to simply breathe for a moment, feeling very, very warm.

“That’s... _really_ not fair, Sammy,” he murmured, his lips hovering barely an inch from hers.

Sam shivered. “What,” she licked her lips, “What do you mean?”

 _“This,”_ Josh’s hands slid from her back to her hips, squeezing. “You can’t look this fucking hot when I can’t touch you.”

Sam smirked. “Now I’m confused, Josh,” she moved one of her hands to his chest and traced a pattern over his t-shirt. “You’re the one who told me to wear leather.”

Josh growled, squeezing again. “You’re playing a very dangerous game here, Samantha.”

Sam’s expression turned devious.

“You don’t scare me.”

Josh opened his mouth, but a cry interrupted him.

“Saaaam!” Ashley yelled just beyond the door. “I got your drink!”

“Josh?” Chris’s voice sounded confused. “Where’d they go? We were only gone for a minute.”

Extricating herself from Josh’s hold, Sam walked away, only pausing at the door long enough to wink, before she walked back into the kitchen.

“Hey, guys,” she greeted. She immediately zeroed in on the second cup in Ashley’s hand and took it. She threw it back, shuddering from the burn. “Thanks.”

“Uh, no problem.” Ashley was looking at her with concern so she gave her a winning smile to assure her, one that Ashley returned hesitantly.

“Hey, Sam, where’d Josh go?” Chris asked.

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know. I just went to the bathroom.”

Chris frowned. “Weird...”

“Of course you losers are in here!”

The three of them turned to see Mike regarding them with mock sternness, fists on hips.

“Guys, guys, _guys,”_ he lamented, walking to them. When he drew even with Chris he clasped his shoulder. “This is not a time for talking; this is a time for partying! So get your asses out there! And dance before people start joining your little sewing circle!”

Thus, all of them were herded into the thick of the party, Mike yelling out greetings and waving. When they got to the living room, where the music was its loudest and the crowd at it’s thickest, Mike pointed.

“You see what you guys made me do? My gorgeous girlfriend made me abandon her to find you guys! Look at that poor thing!”

Jessica looked like she was having the time of her life, dancing with another girl, throwing her head back to laugh. Mike continued to shake his head in despair.

“What a tragedy; we must save her!”

The three of them wormed their way to where Jessica was and then they were all dancing and laughing and stumbling, trying to coordinate drinking and gyrating at the same time.

Sam was having a good time, she realized with surprise. Partying had never really been her thing, especially at this scale, but Mike _was_ right; they needed this.

 _The only thing that would make this better,_ Sam thought, _is Josh._

As if summoned by her thoughts, Sam suddenly felt hands on her hips and a warm body pressed close.

Blushing, Sam glanced at her friends but they weren’t paying attention to her, only focused on their own boyfriend or girlfriend.

Josh caressed her arm and she threw caution to the wind. It was just a dance, right?

She rested her hands on the ones holding her and guided him; had Josh always been such a terrible dancer? It felt more like he was just grinding his crotch against her than dancing.

When he seemed to ignore her motions and seemed intent on showing Sam how much he appreciated her skirt, Sam got irritated. Josh knew better than to act this way, especially in public.

Sam twisted in his grasp, ready to scold, and faltered when she saw the person she’d been dancing with was _not_ Josh.

“Oh.” Embarrassed, Sam took a step back. “I’m sorry--I thought you were--well, um. No, sorry, but no.” Oh, God, what had she done? What if Josh had seen?

“Hey,” the stranger said, stepping into her personal space. He was cute, Sam would admit that, with his dark, undercut hair and broad shoulders. She was just _so_ not available. “We were having a good time.”

Sam’s blush deepened. This was so mortifying. She didn’t think she’d had _that_ much to drink.

“No--I,” and then realizing how pointless this was without admitting she had a boyfriend, Sam walked away, her mind on a glass of water. Surely that would calm everything down.

She’d broken free of the crowd and made it just outside the kitchen when she felt a sudden tug on her wrist. She twisted, only to find the guy from before holding her arm hostage.

“Whoa, beautiful, where’s the fire? Let’s get to know each other a little bit.”

Oh, God. This was _so uncomfortable._

 _“_ Oh, no, I’m sorry--”

He stepped near, using his hold on Sam to jerk her closer. Sam broke off her sentence as she stumbled, and caught herself on his chest.

 _Please kill me now,_ Sam begged any higher power that might be listening.

A grip like iron suddenly grabbed Sam’s shoulder and she was ripped away from the stranger with a force that made her stagger.

An arm went around her shoulders and she found herself pressed into another chest, but this time when she looked up, she felt only relief.

Josh was holding her, his gaze as icy as the arctic as he took in Sam’s pursuer.

“Fuck off.”

Sam’s heart skipped a beat. She had never, _never_ heard Josh sound so... _furious_.

The other guy immediately went from charming and suave to defensive and irritated.

“Okay, _jeez_ , no need to get all territorial,” he raised his palms and shrugged. “Keep a better eye on your bitch if you don’t want to share.”

Sam felt like someone had punched her, the air left her so suddenly. Before righteous anger even had a chance to take hold, Josh was on it.

His arm fell from her and he moved like lightning, suddenly in the other guy's face.

 _“What_ did you just say? _”_   Then Josh punched him, hard enough that he hit the ground.

Sam gasped, along with the people around them, and covered her mouth. Josh, looking livid, leaned down far enough so he could be heard as he yelled.

“All I heard was ‘I’m the bitch, please punch me in the fucking face’.” Josh kicked the guy in the stomach for good measure and Sam flinched, jaw hanging. “Don’t fucking talk about my girlfriend like that, asshole!”

 _“Josh!”_ The cry escaped her before she could stop it, she was so shocked.

Josh straightened and faced her, looking wild.

“Don’t even start with me, Sam, he had it coming,” Josh warned.

 _“Josh?!”_ Sam and Josh both twisted to see Matt closing the distance between them.

For a second, Sam thought he was going to yell at Josh for causing a scene.

Instead, he exclaimed, “Sam’s your _girlfriend?!”_

They stared for a long, pregnant pause, then Sam dropped her head into her hands.

“Oh my God,” she managed through a breathless laugh that was more the sound of someone losing their grip on sanity than from actual hilarity.

_Let’s have a party, Mike said. It’ll be fun, he said._

“Look,” Matt said, glancing at the crowd that was gathered around them. The guy on the floor had gone fetal, moaning and clutching his stomach. “Let’s take this outside.” He eyed Josh warily. “You need to cool off.”

Matt brushed by them and led the way, although he flashed Sam a worried look in passing.

Sam glanced at Josh, but she had no idea what was going on in his head, whether he blamed her or was scared they’d been outed or even if he cared. His face was completely unreadable, but if she had to make a guess, she’d say he definitely wasn’t happy. Sam tried to smooth her expression of the hurt and doubt she felt and followed Matt out.

She hadn’t made it one step when Josh caught her hand.

He didn’t say anything, but when their eyes met he squeezed her hand and nodded. After a moment, Sam let a ghost of a smile to grace her lips and she squeezed back.

They would be okay.

Even though it was nearly summer, the outside hair felt refreshingly cool on Sam’s overheated skin. The porch and lawn were strewn with random people, but less than there was inside.

“So,” Matt started, leaning against one of the porch support beams, “What the hell happened in there?”

Sam and Josh looked at one another, but Sam looked away first.

“I--”

“You saw what happened,” Josh said with a shrug. “I punched an asshole.” Sam gave Josh a _look_ and he frowned. “What?”

Matt raised a brow. “Yeah, no shit. Everyone saw that.” He looked between them. “You guys are together? Like, _together_ , together?” He gave their clasped hands a significant look.

Sam blushed. “You can’t tell anybody,” she pleaded. “We’re going to tell the others, just...not yet.”

“Seriously, guys?” When he was only met with hard stares, Matt sighed, shoulders sagging.

 _“Fine,”_ he agreed, sounding immensely put-out. Sam and Josh smiled, the Matt perked up. “Wait, what about Emily?”

 _“Especially_ Emily, man!” Josh said, his tone disbelieving like he couldn’t believe he even had to ask.

 _“Ugh,_ okay! I hate keeping secrets from her...”

Sympathetically, Sam placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Matt,” she apologized, “We appreciate you helping us out.”

Matt glanced up at her and smiled ruefully.

“Ahh, it’s whatever. I don’t know why you guys don’t want to tell the others, but that’s your business.”

“Hey, thanks, man.” Josh and Matt fist-bumped and Sam was pleased to see a small smile on Josh’s face; it looked like he’d calmed down.

“Um, how long do I have to keep this secret?”

“We’re...not sure,” Sam answered sheepishly.

“Oh my God,” Matt said in defeat, shaking his head as if the very sight of them was tiring, “Whatever.” He put his hands in his pockets and screwed up his face. “Well, if you don’t want people knowing you’re a couple, you should probably stop doing _that,”_ he gestured to their still-clasped hands.

Sam and Josh looked at one another.

“You know, I think I’ve had enough excitement for one night.”

Josh snorted. “Yeah, I think I’m all _partied-out_ , too. Tell the others we said bye?”

“Already got me doing your dirty work, I see how it is.” Matt grinned, then gave them a two-fingered salute. “Yeah, sure. Try not to have _too_ good a night, ya crazy kids.”

Josh waited until Matt was back inside before giving Sam his attention. He tugged on her hand.

“Let’s go.”

Silently, Sam let herself be pulled, worrying at her lip. Josh seemed normal, but she couldn’t escape the nagging feeling that something was still wrong.

Her thoughts were confirmed when they were both seated in his car and Josh suddenly beat his fists on his steering wheel with a shouted swear. Sam started, heart racing, and waited out the explosion.

Josh glared at the house, fingers clenched tightly on the steering wheel.

“I really want to go back in there and punch him some more,” he confessed darkly.

Tentatively, Sam rested her hand on his knee. He looked at her, his earlier anger clear.

“I think you’ve already defended my honor enough tonight.”

When Josh simply continued to watch her, she fidgeted, self-conscious.

“Are you mad at me?”

Josh blinked, his brow furrowing. “Of course not. That guy was an asshole. I was just thinking you look too hot to be around a bunch of drunk guys.”

Sam arched a brow. “Are you saying I was asking for it?”

 _“What--?_ _No_ , I wouldn’t--”

“Relax,” Sam soothed, patting his knee with a smirk on her face. “I know you were just being a gentleman. Although I still can’t believe you punched him in the face.”

“Please tell me you’re not going to start with the lecture,” Josh complained, regarding her warily. Sam made a show of thinking about it.

“Not tonight.” She darted forward and placed a kiss on Josh’s cheek, blushing--which was ridiculous seeing as how they did much more intimate things regularly. “Thank you,” she said quietly, gratefully. “I could have handled it, but--yeah. Thanks.”

Sam stared hard at her hands twisted in her lap, willing Josh to start the car, but no such luck. His knuckle went underneath her chin and raised her head, forcing her to meet his gaze.

His earlier anger was completely gone, replaced with a look of such affection she felt her breath catch. He leaned close and she met him halfway, their kiss slow and sweet. They broke apart for a few seconds and then Josh chased her lips for another, shorter kiss before breaking it so that their foreheads rested together.

“I live to serve.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from [So Insane](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8HQPIgFtB4).


End file.
